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Monday, April 18, 2016

Art of War - Deception & Terrain

Art of War and present day Warfare

There is no argument about the antiquity of the Classical "Art of War" by Sun Tzu the Chinese genius on warfare. The book was written around two thousand years ago. Let us check how Sun Tzu's concepts stood the test of time.

Let us take the Core Concept of the book: "All warfare is based on Deception". Is that true? Have this concept stood the test of time? The answer is to some extent true.... Let us take two examples.

Battle of Troy & Battle of Krukshetra:

Though both are fictitious works of Homer and Vyasa respectively, the use of a wooden horse as a cover and deceiving the opponent forces of a brutal defeat made the victory of Achilles and team possible. In the case of Mahabharat, the killing of Jeyadhratha by Arjuna is an example of deception, though in a mysterious way. Here Lord Krishna, using his special weapon "Sudarshan" to cover the sun, so that Jeyadhratha was deceived to believed that the Sun was set and he can come out and expose himself to Arjuna's Arrow.... In both instances, more than the talent of Arjuna and Achilles, the deception paved the way for the victory.

World War II:

There are so many events out there in WW II that shows the success of deception.Yet the greatest deception of WWII is done by the British to achieve some excellent results. It was the "Imitation Game" played by the British on Germany. Even though the British cracked the Enigma Codes much earlier in the war, the British kept silent about the breakthrough, not even told to the allies that the Enigma was broken. This was to ensure to deceive the Germans to believe that Enigma was unbreakable and to make them continued to use it. The result is highly yielding. By predicting every move by the Nazis, The Imitation Game proved to be a great tool in minimizing damages due to German attack and helped to devise counter plans to German attacks. In short the deception of British by means of Imitation Game cut short the war by at least two years thereby minimizing loss of precious lives and resources.

Another theme of "Art of War" is the use of geographical features in warfare. In the first chapter itself, Sun Tzu insists that Climate and Terrain are among the five factors to be considered for predicting the outcome of a war. Using climate and Terrain as prime weapons of war had been done since time immemorial. Yet we see two cases of India and Russia that shows the excellent use of enemy conditions, terrain usage and climate as tools to achieve major victory in a battle or inflicting severe damage to the enemy.

Russian Retreat in Napoleonic Invasion 1812:

Any one studying the contemporary world history cannot but wonder the use of terrain and climate as a key weapon of war by the Russians. In the 1812 invasion by Napoleon, instead of fighting with the combat hardened French forces, the Russians simply retreated deep inside their territory which was too vast. Added with the famous "Scorched Earth Policy", the retreat was the most effective tool used by the Russians. Just by burning everything  including houses and cattle and then retreating, the Russians ensured that once the French forces were deep inside their territory they will be starved to death and cannot have any shelter. Now comes the biggest friend of Russia "The Cold". All of the Napoleonic forces were exposed to the severe cold of winter Russia and the extreme Russian cold took its own toll. After the return of French forces from the Russian territory, it was observed that most of the French soldiers died not in combat with the Russians, but due to cold and starvation.  The later were the result of the Russians using the Climate and Terrain cleverly to their advantage.... Sun Tzu stands tall even after 2000 years....

Battle of Asal Uttar:

The single largest Tank Battle after World War II happened here in 1965. Bolstered by the possession of the most advanced Main Battle Tanks, the US made Patton Tanks in its possession, Pakistan had a sinister plan. It wanted to penetrate deep inside the Indian side in the Punjab Plains and capture certain towns. Use that as a negotiating chip, they want to take over Kashmir.

At first sight, the plan was flawless, since with the heavily armored and long range Patton Tanks, they can over run Indian formations in the Punjab Plains easily. India was facing an imminent beating at the hands of its warring sibling.

Now terrain came to the rescue of Indian Army. The Punjab Plains was full of grown Sugarcane. This gave the Indian artillery and tanks to hide safely. One more crucial thing Pakistan had not noticed is the porous nature of Punjabi soil.

Now all the Indian Army did was a deceptively simple task. They just flooded the entire plains with the water available in the nearby canals. Beas river just supplied enough water to flood the plains and the sugarcane fields. Now the heavy Armour of the Patton tanks made it very difficult to move in the mud. Most of the tanks when driven sank up to turret level in the mud. Now all the tanks were sitting ducks to light-weighted Indian artillery guns and tanks.

And the rest is history.

The Battle of Asal Uttar ensured a decisive victory of Indians over the highly weaponised Pakistan just by using the Terrain... Sun Tzu rocks....  

Friday, January 30, 2015

Anatomy of 3 protests.....

         This is yet another day I am spending my time with my new TV. Nowadays I am spending less time with TV and more with Whats App and FB...... Still TV fascinates me because Aliya Bhatt and Sunny Leone still comes in certain channels..... When advertisement interrupted my open-eyed trance with Aliya's two bigggg eyes (I swear, its eyes only....), I made that sin.... 

Yes! I switched channels and unfortunately I glanced the bottom line of a Tamil News Channel. Nowadays I stopped watching Indian English News Channels. They are truly amazing (!!!!) in the sense that How they are getting “Breaking News!!!!” every time, I got puzzled. Sun rises in the East also Breaking News for them....

            But this particular bottom line in the Tamil News Channel shows a glimpse of a phenomenon slowly evolving in Tamilnadu. This one is about the bullying faced by and subsequent surrendering of his Right to Expression by author Perumal Murugan. The phenomenon I have mentioned above is the evolution of Right Wing thoughts in Tamilnadu. 

The fact of the matter is simple… “Certain segments of the civil society felt that their so-called sentiment is hurt due to the depiction of their women and their sexual relationship in the novel Madhorubaagan”. 

 And they have bullied the author with various forms of psychological violence like isolation, demand to ban his book, demand to remove certain portions of his book, protests etc.

            If situation goes on like this, what will happen???? Welcome to the wild world of my weird imaginations……………

            Suddenly all News Channels are on their toes…. Three radical announcements rocked entire Tamilnadu. All are clarion call for massive protests. Let us see one by one…. Now I am your reporter covering all the three protests.

            Leader of one particular community from one particular region in Tamilnadu announced a path breaking protest. 

Leader: People from our region and our community are discriminated in this society by this particular book. We demand that the book should stop from depicting our women in poor light.

Me: Do you want to ban the book?

Leader: No!!! Never!!! We respect “Freedom of Expression”. We don’t want to ban the book….
Me: You want to remove any objectionable portion????

Leader: Never!!! We respect “Freedom of Expression”. We don’t want to remove any portion, not even a single word…. You know something, even in our protests next week, we will neither burn the copy of the book nor tear the portions of the book.
Me: (Mind Voice) What the ****ing kind of protest is this???

Leader: Our community people in lakhs will just bring the book…. Throw the book in nearby dustbin as a form of our protests; then we will take back the book to keep the area clean. We love a Clean India you know… (He proclaimed proudly)

Me: (Controlling my irritation), Sir your protest is path breaking and eye-opening. I have never seen such an ideal way to protest against a book that hurt the sentiments of your community and that depicts your women in poor light… I developed a huge respect towards your community…. What is that book you are protesting against? And exactly what do you want from the author / publisher?
Leader: The book is SAROJA DEVI”. In that book certain sex encounters are shown as happening in our region/village/town. All we want is a disclaimer from the author / publisher that the women shown in the contents of that book are not belonging to our community. That is the only thing we want….. See… This will ensure that our women are not shown in poor light….
My mind voice: MFs… This is why you neither ban nor burn, never tear the book…. God FML……


Protest No. 2:

Another radical protest by another leader of another community……

Leader: This book is not in tune with the beliefs of our community. We want it to be banned or else they should AMEND the portions objectionable to the sentiments and beliefs of our community.
(Due to earlier bitter experience I decided to ask the name of the book now itself)
Me: What is the book you want to ban or amend? How it affects your sentiments and your community sentiment?
Leader: The book is the “Constitution of India” and…. Hey What happened?
I fainted… They poured soda and made me wake up…..
Leader: Thambi, that particular book hurts our 1000 years of established beliefs and faiths paa….

Me: What is the problem with that book sir???? (Head twirling…..)
Leader: We want Amendment 111 of the constitution to amend Articles 14 to 18 of the Constitution…..And we want to add Schedule 13 to the Constitution…. We want to add a new Article 697 to the Constitution that says “All citizens shall be treated Equal within their castes and communities……”

Me: But Sir…. It is Right to Equality….
Leader: Yes! We accept that “All are equal before law”. But Constitution must recognize that our community is BEST AMONG EQUAL than other communities…Also they should add a new Schedule that gives a list of castes / communities that are more equal than the others… like our community. See We are not against Right of Equality but we are just asking to accept that we are demanding Equality within community not among communities…If our community and a lesser than equal community are treated equal it is not good no??? Let every one be treated equal within their community… this is the only change we want from the constitution… Or else we will mount a major protest until Constitution is amended….
Me: (Mind Voice) Long live Right Wing Thoughts……

Protest No:3
Leader: We demand the attention of Microsoft, Sun, Oracle and all Software biggies… We will mount a major protest against all of them to withdraw all the software that use OOPS concept…..
Me: What is the problem with OOPS concept sir?
Leader: It affect the sentiments and beliefs of our community and it is against the tradition of India paaa…..
Me: WTF!!!! How OOPS concept affect Indian tradition and hurt the beliefs and faiths of your community???? How it is possible?

Leader: Thambi…. In fact we are not against technology… OOPS is good when it says that “Classes are inherited!!!” We really appreciate that… In fact it is the belief of our community that all classes and castes are inherited… But how dare they can define “any function” to any “classes”. Instead of that all software biggies should ensure that in C++ and Java and other programming languages, only certain pre-defined functions are allowed/defined to certain classes. Defining any function to any / all classes is against the tradition of India…. We will vehemently protest against that. We will burn all C++, Java reference manuals….. We love India…. We never allow Indian tradition to be invaded by foreign concepts like OOPS…. Jai Hind…. Jai XXXX community…..
Needless to say…. I fainted again…..





Friday, December 10, 2010

CYBER WAR - THE NEXT LEVEL

STUXNET - It is one side of the cyber war coin. The other side which is right now the world is facing is something un-imaginable. When Stuxnet is almost a government-run operation, the next phenomenon is exact opposite to that.

Very recently you might have come across two phrases. The first is "OPERATION: PAYBACK" and the next one is "OPERATION: LEAKSPIN". While the Stuxnet Warfare is definitely intended for sabotaging certain economic and strategic interests, the other form of cyber warfare is of highly ideological one. It is a war that reads a tagline "Right of Expression Vs Official Secrets".

At least for the time being, Stuxnet is a form of asymmetric warfare. But Operation Payback is not so. Here the battle lines are clearly drawn and both sides use almost same weapons to counter each other.

Probably for the first time in history of the war between the Rulers and the Ruled ones, the latter uses the same weapon as the former in an otherwise asymmetric war for centuries.

Operation Payback is the cyber attacks undertaken by a group of Anonymous Hactivists against the websites of Govt. of Sweden, Paypal, Visa and Amazon. They even attacked the websites of certain US Senators.

What is special and ideological in some group of hackers attacking certain money spinning websites like Paypal, Amazon and Visa? In fact is this what the hackers always do as a routine?

The difference between normal hackings and Op- Payback is that the attacks are not aimed at data theft or financial profits. Before that we will see the cause and modus operandi of Op Payback.

When a non-commercial website named www.wikileaks.org spilled some beans about certain high places, initially no one even gave a glance. Things changed when the whistle blowing website revealed some documents on the Church of Scientology. Web-world slowly showed some respect towards the site and soon recognized as a prime whistle-blowing website.

It was the Afghan and Iraq War Logs of the US Army that made wikileaks as the centre point of global attention. The treasure of information revealed the appalling state of affairs of the war-ravaged Afghan and Iraq. Particularly the revelations that there were exponentially high civilian casualties inflicted by US and its coalition partners in Iraq and Afghan made the superpowers worried and they decided to neutralize the wiki-threat.

Wikileaks also took the battle call seriously and its next step is much daring. It informed that it will release the diplomatic cables sent by various US embassies all around the earth in nearly four decades. The US instead of heeding to a redacting call of the documents by wikileaks, stepped to stop the leaks.

The breath-taking events occurred then were now history. Wikileaks slowly released diplomatic cables and named it as Cablegate. US, which is well known for its strong-arm tactics just like any other modern democracy retaliated by unleashing the massive DDoS attack the world has ever seen. For almost two days the data of wikileaks could not be accessed. Not satisfied with the DDoS, the US went further by “advising” Amazon to drop Wikileaks from its server. Amazon heeded the call along with EveryDNS dutifully.

The Domain Name Server company and the Cloud Computing company carrying the data of Wikileaks were cowed down by advice or threat whatever you call. So the data will not emerge. What’s next? US officials brainstormed and decided to cut-off the money supply to Wikileaks. As wikileaks is a non-commercial entity, it is survived by money and efforts of volunteers. US struck there by advising and Paypal and Visa to drop wikileaks.

Now funding is cut off. And getting orphaned in cyber space by losing the cloud space and domain name servers. So far it is an asymmetric warfare in cyber space by US.

Wikileaks took the bull by the horns.

It resurfaced from another set of servers in Europe with around thirty mirror sites. To make things worse it has floated in cyber space a Thermonuclear Device named insurance.aes256. The 1.3 GB file, allegedly contains all the documents of Cable Gate with other financial scandals and was downloaded immediately by around 10,000 net users around the globe. So Master Weapon deployed. It is believed that if wikileaks is to be taken down by the affected governments, this file will act as an insurance and reveal the truths to the world which every government is dying hard to hide especially US.

Almost lost in the cyber war, which is getting even by the actions of wikileaks, a rape case was registered against the founder of wikileaks. But this is not a very novel technique to arrest somebody you don’t like. But this is yet practiced in every democracy. In certain democracies, we put narco-drugs in the house of the person we don’t like and we will arrest him. Then we will kill him in encounter saying that he was trying to escape and in the process, he tried to kill the policemen. In self defence, the police shot back and the accused died due to gun shot wounds.

Anticipating arrest, the founder sneaked into London and got arrested there. Precisely, this is the time, the dimension of the war was completely changed. So far it is between Wikileaks Vs Western Democracies. Now started Op Payback. A group of anonymous hacker-activists paid back to US in its own coin. A massive DDoS attack was unleashed on the websites of certain US Senators, Paypal, Visa, Amazon and Government of Sweden.

In one way, it can be seen as the manifestation of the inner aversion of global citizens towards their governments which will not tolerate expression of citizens in whatever form, that are adverse to its interests.

So Operation Payback is a brief Cyber War waged by the citizens against their own governments in support of a just cause, with the same weapons used by the governments themselves.

It is high time, governments shall change the way they are running their diplomacy by making it more transparent. It is important for governments to respect the Right of Expression of its people. Or else……Op Payback 2.0 may happen



Wednesday, December 8, 2010

STUXNET - THE NEW CYBER WMD?

Today evening, again I was browsing my TV channels. As usual every news channels, English or regional were showing some sort of scandals, scams, CBI raids, revelations etc. and etc. They were seriously discussing what they call as "Mother of all Scams - The Spectrum Scandal" along with certain "Step mother scams like ADHARSH Housing scandal; Commonwealth Games Scandal" and other "Brother and Sister scams like TNHB allocation scam and so on...".

Nowadays I am too fed up with these scams as they are creeping at an alarming rate of 2 SPD (2 scams per day). No!! I should not think like this!!!. It is un-patriotic. So I decided to do what every other law-abiding citizens do... 1. Check for new sensational news or 2. watch cricket or 3. watch your favorite or unfavorite actress showing her vital components!!!! And we have sufficient channels catering our above cited national duties.

I decided to do the national duty no.3 to ascertain my patriotism. When Deepika Padukone was likely to bend in front of me, the TV channel got off due to rain (which is a rare phenomenon in TN). I switched ON my old Laptop to browse the Internet.

The hot topics in the net-world struck me and made me to wonder – THE WAR HAS JUST BEGUN……. So what sort of war I am mentioning here? Conventional Warfare between armies of states? Or the Unconventional Warfare between armies of state and non-state actors? No, It is a different war altogether. The war was taken to the new level.

We will analyze two events which slowly evolved into phenomenon themselves.

One is the Stuxnet style warfare. What is Stuxnet? It is a mega (bit) size worm developed to attack the critical infrastructures of a country like Power Station (Thermal and Nuclear Power Plants), Process Industries (Enrichment Facility) or any facilities that use a Variable Frequency Drives.

For those who are thinking that Stuxnet is just another VIRUS or WORM or some malicious code that aimed at data theft, denial of services, gathering zombies etc., it is a shocker altogether. In a broader perspective, Stuxnet symbolizes the BEGINNING of the Utra-Modern Cyber Warfare.

Imagine you are a Military Officer entrusted the task of decimating a secret facility in a so-called rogue-state which enriches Uranium for a N-Bomb. To execute your mission, first you have to train your Special Forces. Then Deploy them by air-dropping amid enemy fire, or Using aerial bombing as a support you can breach their perimeter. Then overwhelm your enemy with your fire power; Capture the facility or destroy it. In the process you have to arrange for medical evacuation, take care of friendly fires and so on… Really hell of a job isn’t it?

But to your surprise, With codes like Stuxnet at your disposal, you need not deploy your Special Forces and other tedious tasks mentioned above for the mission. All you have to ensure is your Stuxnet style code reaches the countless numbers of computers that are controlling the various drives and equipments operating in the Bomb manufacturing plant.

Once infected with the Worm, the built in programmes inside the Stuxnet will make the drives (motors, pumps, centrifuges, turbines etc) to malfunction like variation of speed, or even stoppage of the drives which can hamper the process of manufacturing.

A post mortem analysis of Stuxnet which attacked the Busehr Nuclear Power Plant of Iran, reveals that it was not scripted by a single hacker or a hacking community. Instead of a handful of hackers, it can be created only by a group of well trained professionals. The sheer size of the worm (app. 2 MB), can reveal you what the Stuxnet is made of and capable of. There is a speculation that Stuxnet can be created and tested only by a government organization and most probably by an intelligence agency. It is a well known fact that commercial hackers will not gain anything by damaging a drive control of a Centrifuge in a remote place in Iran. It lacks motivation.

Only two agencies in the entire globe like to see the centrifuge in the Iranian Nuclear Power Plant to malfunction – the CIA and the MOSSAD. There are reports that Stuxnet has infected not only Iran, but also the INSAT 4-B of ISRO too. Imagine a world where you require just a 2 MB sized code to malfunction satellites, launch vehicles, submarines, nuclear reactors, fighter jets, chemical plants, oil refineries, gas terminals and other critical infrastructures.

Whatever you have seen in the Bruce Willis starrer DIE HARD 4.0 is becoming real.

In fact the situation is much graver than what was depicted in the movie. Stuxnet and its would-be successors are not just malicious codes. They are cyber weapons of mass destructions (CYBER – WMDs). Though Stuxnet used the vulnerabilities in the Operating System of one particular PLC (Programmable Logic Controller) – the WIN CC/PCS7 of Simens, it will pave the way for other intelligence organizations to exploit the vulnerabilities in other PLCs used to.

In fact, around 6000 computers are infected by Stuxnet in India itself. It is right time for the nation states to devise policy initiatives and standards for securing the Control System of a critical facility. There shall be adequately trained people for Control System Security. Also the SCADA / PLC manufacturers hitherto least bothered about the security aspects have to re-think their strategy to add teeth to the Security related features of the Control System. By unleashing Stuxnet, a dangerous precedence was created and the world has to live, survive and fight the Stuxnet way of mass destructions.

About the next cyber war we will meet in our next blog.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

The sum of all mistakes…

It was a rainy afternoon and I was watching my favorite mega-serial on my not-so-favorite 21” very much old Keltron TV. My TV was confirming that it is a colour TV to me again by showing shades of colour in all the corners even when switched off!

With a mobile in my left hand (obviously kept near my ears) and a remote in my right I changed the channel during an Ad-Break (nowadays these TV channels are showing 50 minutes ads and 10 minute serial in an hour….). The English news channel which I was viewing showed a scrolling news item that really shocked me. A news reported that the Maharashtra Anti-Terrorism Squad (ATS) had arrested a serving military officer on the charges of terrorist activities and it took me by surprise.

As it is always obvious, Indian Army is an institution which is well known for its integrity, impartiality and discipline. After independence we had a set of wars with our neighbors and some natural disasters during which we had a glimpse of the extra-ordinary qualities of the Indian Army. Even in the recent Kargil operations our Indian Army showed very good fighting capabilities (I cannot describe the Kargil operations as a war). It is really justifiable to the motto of the Army “LAST RESORT AND FIRST RESPONDER” as stated by Gen. Deepak Kapur.

But it is a fact that the highest standards set in the Indian Army by people with the ranks of Gen. Thimmaiya, Field Marshall Sam Maneksha and others has been gradually dwindling or downgrading to alarming levels. It is an equally intriguing fact that the recruitment of officers in the forces is still very strict. The SSB interview conducted by the forces for recruiting officers in the forces is a gruelling process consisting of 5 days of serious scrutiny. Yet we see indiscipline gradually creeping in the forces.

We have a handful of officers with corruption charges relieved from service and fighting their cases in civilian courts. On the other hand we have women officers complaining sexual abuse by senior military officers and some even reached the extreme of committing suicide due to sexual harassment by superiors. Even a year ago we had a case of an officer captured by local people when he tried to rape a girl in Kashmir.
One cannot forget the sufferings inflicted on each other by the Indian Army and LTTE (obviously due to the mischief of R&AW) and the raping of local Srilankan Tamils by some jawans of the Indian Army which made the Srilankan Tamils to name the Indian Peacekeeping Force as “Indian Child Giving Force”.

Why go to the North and Eastern Srilanka ? Even a glimpse at the North East parts of India will give you an idea of the dubious rape record of the Army. One cannot forget the protest of Manipuri women in front of the Indian Army Regional Headquarters in North East by stripping themselves and holding a banner “INDIAN ARMY! RAPE US!”. Thangiyam Manorama’s ghost will daunt the Army for nights to come.

When a former Naval Officer casually strode inside the highly sensitive Naval War Room or the Directorate of Naval Operations least of them had an idea that he was there to copy some files from the computers on his pen drive, it is hard to believe that “That the files contained 20 years naval strategy against Israel” and now he might have sold it to the highest bidder or probably Mossad. Obviously the person mentioned above is Ravisankaran a former Naval Officer now being searched by the Interpol.

Almost four years ago, another man flew to the US via Nepal. But this time it was R&AW Deputy Director named Rabindra Singh. He gently escaped the net spread by the CBI and settled in US. Actually he is Maj. Rabindra Singh an Army depute and a CIA mole.

An year ago, our newspapers reported a new phenomenon called “Fake Encounters”. Even though the Police Force inside the country seize the credit for innovating this new phenomenon, it is the Army that took that innovation to new heights. We have had some officers charge sheeted for the fake encounters in Kashmir.

As a jewel in the crown or thorn in the flesh, whatever you call, came the recent break in the Malegaon blast case where the culprits were found to be retired and serving officers of the prestigious Indian Army. When Maj. R.C.Upadhyaya and Lt. Col. Purohit were arrested by the ATS with the permission of the Army it was a shocker to everyone. Recent reports that Lt. Col. Purohit sourced Army RDX for the blast is a terrible blow to the conscience of the Army. To make things even worse, there was also a news report that VHP cadres were combat-trained in the Bhosla Military School.

Corrupt officers , rapist jawans – ( of women in their own country and foreign country where assigned of peacekeeping duties), fake encounter specialists, terrorists – (activities including bomb blasts and training to non military cadres), stealing military secrets, moles etc. and the products of Indian Army goes on endlessly. I cannot avoid the fear that soon the Indian Army will have officers who are “the sum of all mistakes and indiscipline”.

What happened to the Army? What happened to the rich traditions and the highest level of impartiality and disciplinary standards imparted by officers like Timmy (Thimmaiya), Kariappa, Sam Manekshaw.
The sacrifice of huge number of officers like Capt. Vikram Bhatra, Maj. Saravanan, and other countless officers and jawans who braved adverse weather conditions and firepower to save the prestige of the country will go in vain, if the Army fails to introspect itself and re-look into its recruitment procedure.
The Army in-spite of all its screening and filtering in recruitment and highly standard SSB interview is still getting a handful of corrupts and womanizers as its officers.

It is the duty of this prestigious institution to ensure that it is getting honest and ethical soldiers as its officers. Else, it will be shrunk to the level of being labeled as “a bunch of corrupt and rogue men” instead of being run by “A FEW GOOD MEN”.

The Classical Comedy of governmental errors

When I was casually “browsing” the channels on my TV in which very rarely rain allowed cable connection to survive, I got a glimpse of a news item (plz DON’T read as new item). The news read the words of Honourable Governor of Kerala Mr. Gawai. He stressed that “We have no problem when Tamil and Sanskrit were accorded Classical Language status. But while giving classical language status to Telugu and Kannada, why not the center consider giving classical language status to Malayalam.”

It is not clear whether the above were the views of the Governor himself or the concern of the Government of Kerala . Whatever the case may be, Keralites have played the game cleverly by expressing their desire via a constitutional authority and that too by a non-malayali. We have to wait and see whether the kind hearted Manmohan Singh and his govt. accord classical language status for Malayalam too.

It was yet another day and I was watching an English News channel. This time the bottom line corresponding to another item impressed my eyes (obviously it was a news item ). The news scrolled in the bottom read like this, “Forward Block demands Classical Language status to Bengali…”.

Taken by surprise, I wondered what will happen in the future if the trend moves on like this. You are invited to the weird world of my wild imaginations……

The govt. of India made an announcement that read like this, “Considering the role played by the Bengali , Malayali, Oriyan, Konkani, Tulu, Dongri, Urdu and Hindi language for the enrichment of the composite culture and development of the unity of the country, our government is pleased to accord classical language status to the above said languages. Even though languages like Tulu and Konkani don’t even have script and are only dialects, the govt. gracefully made a decision to create a special status called “Script-less Classical Languages” and accord the special status to Tulu and Konkani. All other languages spoken in India will be gradually accorded classical status irrespective of whether that language has script or not. If any language has a written script it will be immediately considered for classical language status. Any language which has script, but not enough literature need not be demoralized. All you have to do is just write your names in a paper in your language and hand over the papers to your local M.L.A, and definitely your language will get classical language status. Another short cut way to get classical status for your language is to just attack your neighbors who don’t belong to your language, it is assured that you will get immediate attention and Hurray!!!! Your language will be accorded classical status.”

After another week, the Honorable PM of India while delivering his speech in United states where a lot of Indians were present announced something like this, “ By seriously taking into account, the important role played in educating the Indian masses with latest technology; thereby allowing them to secure highly paid jobs elsewhere in the world and inturn helping to increase the “Foreign Exchange” reserves of the country, our Government takes the pride to announce classical language status to English, JAVA, C and C++. We are willing to give the same status to French, Spanish and Hebrew if sufficient representations are made…”

Suddenly a voice from the audience interrupted the PM’s speech. A tall Israeli stood up and shouted like this “Sorry Mr. Prime Minister, Hebrew is already a classical language and I want you to #@#$@$..

The meeting ended abruptly when I heard my mom shouting “Hey stupid! Stop your imagination and go to bath……”