The Classical Comedy of governmental errors

When I was casually “browsing” the channels on my TV in which very rarely rain allowed cable connection to survive, I got a glimpse of a news item (plz DON’T read as new item). The news read the words of Honourable Governor of Kerala Mr. Gawai. He stressed that “We have no problem when Tamil and Sanskrit were accorded Classical Language status. But while giving classical language status to Telugu and Kannada, why not the center consider giving classical language status to Malayalam.”

It is not clear whether the above were the views of the Governor himself or the concern of the Government of Kerala . Whatever the case may be, Keralites have played the game cleverly by expressing their desire via a constitutional authority and that too by a non-malayali. We have to wait and see whether the kind hearted Manmohan Singh and his govt. accord classical language status for Malayalam too.

It was yet another day and I was watching an English News channel. This time the bottom line corresponding to another item impressed my eyes (obviously it was a news item ). The news scrolled in the bottom read like this, “Forward Block demands Classical Language status to Bengali…”.

Taken by surprise, I wondered what will happen in the future if the trend moves on like this. You are invited to the weird world of my wild imaginations……

The govt. of India made an announcement that read like this, “Considering the role played by the Bengali , Malayali, Oriyan, Konkani, Tulu, Dongri, Urdu and Hindi language for the enrichment of the composite culture and development of the unity of the country, our government is pleased to accord classical language status to the above said languages. Even though languages like Tulu and Konkani don’t even have script and are only dialects, the govt. gracefully made a decision to create a special status called “Script-less Classical Languages” and accord the special status to Tulu and Konkani. All other languages spoken in India will be gradually accorded classical status irrespective of whether that language has script or not. If any language has a written script it will be immediately considered for classical language status. Any language which has script, but not enough literature need not be demoralized. All you have to do is just write your names in a paper in your language and hand over the papers to your local M.L.A, and definitely your language will get classical language status. Another short cut way to get classical status for your language is to just attack your neighbors who don’t belong to your language, it is assured that you will get immediate attention and Hurray!!!! Your language will be accorded classical status.”

After another week, the Honorable PM of India while delivering his speech in United states where a lot of Indians were present announced something like this, “ By seriously taking into account, the important role played in educating the Indian masses with latest technology; thereby allowing them to secure highly paid jobs elsewhere in the world and inturn helping to increase the “Foreign Exchange” reserves of the country, our Government takes the pride to announce classical language status to English, JAVA, C and C++. We are willing to give the same status to French, Spanish and Hebrew if sufficient representations are made…”

Suddenly a voice from the audience interrupted the PM’s speech. A tall Israeli stood up and shouted like this “Sorry Mr. Prime Minister, Hebrew is already a classical language and I want you to #@#$@$..

The meeting ended abruptly when I heard my mom shouting “Hey stupid! Stop your imagination and go to bath……”